Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
