so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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