he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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