he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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