there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
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I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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