I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Randomize
