I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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