i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
