So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
