Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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