ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
