Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
