he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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