it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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