she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
God, I missed his penis.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
