i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
