i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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