Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
