Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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