i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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