I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
