I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
