we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
