Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
