His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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