no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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