let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
