Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
