Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Alive.
So much puke
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
