In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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