happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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