tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
