are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
