I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
