Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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