wat bout pragnant strippers??
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
