I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
