We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
