you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
