if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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