he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
