And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
