sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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