I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Another day, another engagement, another cat
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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