So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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