You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
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I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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