I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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