It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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