I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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