I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
