At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
