I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
