rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I lost the right to judge tonight
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
