Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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