just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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