i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
