I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
