He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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