This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
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I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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