If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
they're like a gay fantastic four
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oh god it's open bar.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
