Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
