and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
