did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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