i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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