Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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