So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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