I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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