Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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